Solstice

This is only the bittersweet stepping away from the childhood that never leaves us. The hoarding of memories stored up for the winter that we’ll feel inside our bones. It feels complete and yet unfinished. That is to say, as though it may have turned out better last time. Your words to me now fall upon deaf ears, so tired of hearing all you’ve had to say. But I’ll remember you in shadows. Tell my daughter how you used to make me smile. There’s a place for friends forgotten, the misplaced entities that had so warmed our hearts. Have we forgotten one another? Consumed by willed and forced amnesia; a breaking of the glass that once held all we’d caused each other to become.

 

There is a wildness to the future. Wandering through woods of barren trees. The path unending, bending back upon itself. The light ahead unfiltered, getting brighter, washing out the patterns we can’t see. Move ahead, they whisper from the Somewhere. Walk on and don’t look back and just let go. Have I told you that sometimes I really think I hear them calling? All these voices from the past, the haunted loss and longing fears. I hope to be a part of all of Someday, because I know it’s made of up these things: of papered skin and wrinkles, pin-curled hair that holds a color once its own, reflections of the moon upon the water, of lights that twinkle there and in bright eyes that shine in windblown darkness, of planted trees, of strings made up of popcorn and red berries, climbing branches and initials carved forever-never seen. In my own dreams of starlight waits a magic of a hope not yet grown old.

 

And then I wake, remember, and walk on.

 

 

The Mask

You didn’t have to wear the mask with me, you know

I would have accepted you

With every flaw

And loved you the more for them

I’ve endured more darts than you could ever throw

And for the life of me

I don’t know why

You’d choose to be the enemy

Maybe you’ve been left so bitter from the chance you let slip by

You can’t remember

What it’s like

To love and let love go

Or believe there could be anyone who’d let you have your place

Inside the heart

Of someone who

You’d never have to lose

I understand the cause of all these games you choose to play

The self-deception

And mistrust

You’ve been so eager to hold dear

I’ll never take your mask from you, you know

Just hold my tongue

Instead recall

That deep inside it kills you

That I’m here

Runaway

I’m not your fragile flower

Not the delicate creation

You had so hoped I would become

I’ll never be the glass-winged butterfly

You take down from your shelf

To show the world how beautifully

You’d helped to forge my wings

From ice and fire

I’ve chosen not to let you mold me

Leaping from your potter’s wheel

Clay dripping from my skin

I’ll find my own way home

Not by the path you’d force me down

But through the woods and past the stream

While feeling every breath

Without your blessing

I’ll never trip over the roots

Though you’d cautioned me

They’d reach out for my feet

And I won’t drown within the waters

As they whirl and twist and sway

I won’t be frozen by the snowfall

Or captured in the talons

Of a darkly feathered bird

I won’t fall out of the trees I climb

And if I do, I’ll land in buoyant grass

Then rest until I want to catch my breath

I won’t be frightened by the clouds

Or fear I may be watched by hidden eyes

Indentured by a timeworn deity

I never chose to know

And never wanted to indulge

I have escaped from every nightmare

Every make-believe constraint

You’d have me fear for all my life

My field has daffodils and roses

Fern grows wild from every tree

And ivy covers every stone I place

Upon this wall I’ve built

With all my truth

I’ve discovered every grace

You never wanted me to know

Because you couldn’t understand their voice

I’ll sing out loud and dance inside the rain

Be the fairy in the garden

Beside the swing that shared my childhood

And listen to the wind

Only the wind

The Wings

I was the little girl who used to fall and skin her knees

And then grew up and always seemed to skin her heart

“Don’t cry, doll.” My grandma’s words that I still hold to

As I’m drying my own tears

Time plays such soothing music while we dance to pass the years

The fleeting words like windblown sand across the page

We swim through echoes making peace with other loves

And broken dreams with shards of truth, while holding onto hopes

That hide like frightened children in the dark

You opened up the door that leads into your memories

Without a map you welcomed me inside

To wander through the narrow halls together

Some passions shared, some yet to be discovered

We looked behind the brick and mortar

Of these walls we’d built to shore up all the past

Illusions never vary - they are the things created

By a gentle hand that longs to hold the dream

I’ll let you in if you can promise you won’t see me

That you won’t notice all the dust

Or ask about the things that lurk in corners

Or that hide behind the drapes

Oh wait, I may still use that

What is that thing – the one beneath the sheet?

I’d forgotten all about it

But maybe it was really for the best

I can’t recall what I was thinking

When I offered you my wings

The rusty hinges atrophied and sore from lack of use

Or falling from the sky too many times

Perhaps I thought I’d never miss them

I half believe you may have thought the same

But nonetheless you took them

And up you flew while from the ground I watched

So glad for you but puzzled and bemused

Because somehow I’d always thought you’d take me with you